I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He felt like a one man threesome
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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