It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
