the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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