I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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