I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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