Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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