Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
