did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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