he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
