Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
