sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
