If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
