nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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