Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
