i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
