i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
