Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
