I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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