You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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