I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
