Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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