Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
