I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
