he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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