I got chris browned last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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