The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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