i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
