Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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