and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
