Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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