cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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