Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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