either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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