i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found your dick twin last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
