first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
