why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
