somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
