meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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