margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
