ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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