I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
