A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
