i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
