Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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