kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
