textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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