hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
