I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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