ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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