just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize