How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
