I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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