dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
