I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
