in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
