hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
