He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
