you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
