I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
