would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
