I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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