Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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