Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize