absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
two words...techno handjob
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
