i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
