This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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