my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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