Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize