i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
