I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
