Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
