im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
