really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
