is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
